Obviously we had the most amazing night, but it was a fundraising night. I am so proud of how much money we actually raised for both these charities. Both are very close to my heart and I want to do as much as I can to not just raise money but also awareness as its so important that people don’t feel alone! From being a little girl I knew I wanted a family, a husband, a home, the lot! Then as I got older and learnt more about things my mum went through to have me (a very long IVF journey), it made me think that I could potentially struggle to have a baby. I had no reasoning for this, just a gut instinct. Unfortunately I was right. Matt and I planned to start our family after our honeymoon in 2017. It took us until April 2018 to see a positive pregnancy test. A full year! And as soon as you see that line that is it. I was mapping out that little baby’s whole life! Unfortunately this was taken away from us when at 7 weeks 3 days I started bleeding. I can’t even tell you the pain I felt in my heart when I knew what was happening. We started trying again as soon as we could but during that time we hit all the little milestones of our first baby…the 12 week scan date, the 20 week scan date, the day we would have announced it, its due date…it was heartbreaking. There was even someone who I knew who was pregnant when I was and they would have been about the same due date. So seeing her bump grow and then be born was another reminder of where my baby would have been at. We finally saw what we needed to see though in January 2019…another positive test! I was so happy, but also nervous after my loss last time. But I thought there’s no way it’ll happen again. I was counting down the weeks to get past that 7 weeks 3 days but this time we didn’t even make it to that. At 6 weeks 2 days our second little baby left us. I was so broken at this point. People would tell me not to worry, don’t stress, it’ll happen…but how did they know. No-one could know that I would definitely be able to carry a baby full term. Months passed again and we fought to see a doctor just to see why this was happening. We had to fight because to them we had “only” lost 2 baby’s and it hadn’t been quite a full year in between each pregnancy, even though we were now nearly 2 years on and no baby still. The doctor said there was no reason why this was happening, just unexplained infertility. And let me tell you, I did everything. I tried all the old wives tales, I had acupuncture, I drank cough syrup and took aspirin. I don’t know if any of these helped or not but I couldn’t just do nothing. In September 2019, around what would have been our second baby’s due date, we found out we were pregnant again. I was happy again but so nervous! But we kept getting to each milestone and getting past it! Our little miracle finally joined us in May 2020 and we could not be happier, if not more tired then I ever knew you could be haha! He is such a blessing to us. I was very lucky with the support I received from my friends and family for the Charity Ball, but also the amazing suppliers we had keeping the night going! Kirsty at Healing Manor was brilliant throughout the lead up and on the night keeping everything on track, our fabulous magicians, John Morton and Dave Burns kept everyone entertained, as well as the stunning Karys Kennedy with her beautiful singing voice, Dale Styward the DJ with some brilliant music and a last minute change to our photographer with Sky Green. Thank you all so much! You helped bring my night together and I really appreciate it. I also want to shoutout to all the support we received from local businesses for our raffle and auction prizes. You were all so generous! I’ll post a list of all the amazing businesses at the bottom of this blog, but a few of the prizes we had donated were incredible! We donated a full pamper session at Mirror Mirror, Rebecca Barker donated a massive £200 voucher for semi permanent makeup, we had Grimsby Town FC signed merchandise, a huge photoshoot with all the photos from the fabulous Merika Green , a course of laser hair removal from RW Aesthetics , tickets to see Wicked in London, a golf voucher for 4 guests at Grimsby Golf Club , a party hire package from The Modern Castle and finally a brand new party option from Floss N Pop of S’mores board hire. The auction started off civil…but it went wild at the end, it was hilarious! All of the heartache we experienced before Jesse came along affected me, but also Matt. He was amazing during all of it, keeping strong for both of us but that had its toll on him. I’ll let Matt tell you his story though… “Life, in general, began taking its toll on me - with the stresses of losing babies and feeling as if I couldn’t do anything to help console EmJay was torture. Initially the football team really helped, being surrounded by a group of other guys who has experienced similar things was good but I still didn’t like talking about things. The football itself was a good distraction for a while. Eventually with stresses of life and work (among other things) started to lead me down a dark road. The occasional thought here and there until it got to a point I never thought I would reach. I was there thinking is there really any point. Would anyone miss me if I wasn’t here. My thoughts stemmed from a massive lack in self esteem and believing that I wasn’t worthy of my relationships with friends and loved ones. I got to levels of coping mechanisms that I didn’t even contemplate I would ever involve myself with. From there I was stuck. Even the smallest of things in life would push me to those mechanisms. Eventually, there were a few people I had confided in but this only made things worse. I felt like a burden to my friends and family and resorted to closing myself off again. I made some very positive life changes, such as a new job which gave me more time at home and to spend doing things that would help as a distraction. I’ve been fortunate enough that I haven’t looked back so far this year and going to Andy’s Man Club has helped with this. Although I still played down my issues after hearing other stories, thinking that my issues aren’t as bad as others and I’m just being stupid, after speaking with some of the fantastic facilitators helped me realise that they do matter and no issue that makes me feel like this is small. I have a group that I go to weekly that helps me have a reset on the week as well as a laugh and joke with others men who haven struggled with these sorts of thoughts and actions. It’s great knowing we’re all there for each other and I’m finally beginning to open up and it will help build new relationships. I can’t imagine looking back and not going to AMC now and I just hope that I can start to help people get back on track the way I’ve started to. “ Again, thank you everyone for all your support, no matter what it was. I am so very grateful. I am planning on making this a regular event as I do want to help as many people as I can. But lets make it even bigger and better!! Hopefully see you at the next one! Our fabulous donators - Barnets Barbers @barnets_barbers_cleethorpes_ Beth Hunter Photography @bethhunterphotography_ Bizzy B’s @bizzyknitting California Nail & Beauty Clinic @staceyjane24 Charlotte Fenty Beauty @charlottefentybeauty Charlocks @_charlocks Costa Cleethorpes @costacleethorpes Dough Bros @doughbros_uk Floss n Pop @floss_n_pop Grimsby Town FC @officialgtfc Grimsby Golf Club @grimsbygolfclub The Globe @theglobecleethorpes Holidays By Design @holidaysbydesigncleethorpes Hats and Tiaras @hatsandtiarasuk Hair & Beauty by Apri l @__hairandbeautybyapril_ Jenny Harwood Massage Therapy @jennyharwoodmassagetherapy KG Professional @kgprofessional LW Health & Fitness @lw_healthandfitness Megs @megshairandbeauty_ Michelle Hallett MUA Makeup by Rebecca Barker @rebeccabarkermua Millie MUA @milliemakeupartist Merika Green Photography @merikagreenphotography Mr Foggs gin parlour London @mrfoggsgb The Modern Castle @the_modern_castle Metamorphosis Jewellery @metamorphosis_jewellery Polished @michellelintonpolished Temple Spa @alison_clover_temple_spa RW Aesthetics @rwaesthetics Seaholly florals @seahollyflorals Skinny Wrists @skinnywristsjewellery Sorority @sororitysistersuk Sugar So Sweet @_sugarsosweet Sweet Treat Bakes @sweet_treat_bakes1 Tranquility Treatments @tranquillity.treatments Andy Archer Tattooist @andyarchertattooist Wicked @wickeduk